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Table Of Contents
INTRODUCTION
Can People Really Change? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3
Establishing new priorities . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4
The six stages in the process of self-change . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8
STAGE 1
Removing the Blinders . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10
Self-destructive behavior . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13
Helping relationships . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13
STAGE 2
Awareness—When You Know You Have a Problem . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17
Danger signs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18
Getting unstuck . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20
STAGE 3
Planning Your Personal D-Day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25
Preparing for a total lifestyle change . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27
Beware of procrastination . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32
STAGE 4
Attacking the Problem . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34
How to defeat daily temptations . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34
Reward yourself . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37
STAGE 5
Winning the Battle . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 39
What causes people to relapse? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42
STAGE 6
Free at Last! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46
Our potential for change . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46
RESOURCES . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 52
About the Author . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 53
Disclaimer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 54
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Introduction
Alice: “Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
The Cheshire Cat: “That depends a good deal on where you want to go.”
Can People Really Change?
David Lucero knows where he wants to go: He wants to go to El Paso, Texas.
David is about sixty years old. For the last three months, he has been living on a sidewalk across the street from a Greyhound bus station.
I don’t know how long David has been homeless. He is one of America’s walking wounded—mentally ill, unable to take care of himself, unable to cope with the business of life.
He is always happy to talk, although you have to repeat yourself a few times before he can understand you: David is losing his hearing.
One day I tried to take him to a shelter for the homeless. All he had to do was get in the pickup truck. He had to make a decision. He could do one of two things:
1. Get in
2. Stay on the street.
The right decision might have started the cycle of healing and change, but it was more than David was capable of doing that morning. He decided to stay on the street, waiting for his imaginary ride to El Paso.
When I meet people like David, I tell myself that Lewis Carroll didn’t make anything up when he wrote Alice in Wonderland. I have met many people who are flesh and blood Cheshire Cats, Mad Hatters, and Queens of Hearts.
I come into contact every day with people whose lives and families have been torn apart by bad habits: people addicted to cigarettes, alcohol, and illegal drugs; over-spenders, overeaters, and chronic worriers; negative thinkers, procrastinators, and people who won’t forgive themselves for something that happened long ago.
I have seen firsthand how bad habits keep ordinary people from living happier and healthier lives. Everywhere you look, people want to know why they are unhappy. And they want to know what they can do about it.
The talk shows offer a constant menu of miracle cures for every type of bad habit imaginable— from quick weight-loss programs to 20-minute lessons in positive thinking that promise to cure depression.
We are constantly bombarded by programs that promise effortless and immediate results: Lose weight fast, while eating as much as you want! Guaranteed to work! Sure.
Ronan Johnson –
Straight forward and good advice.